Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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