Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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