Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
