Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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