she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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