you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
