at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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