WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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