Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
