walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
