when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
