Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
