just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from