I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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