im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize