I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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