Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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