My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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