mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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