The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
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The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
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announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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