Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
