I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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