I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he's gonorrhea incarnate
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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