the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
