Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
