I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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