It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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