i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
