Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
