I love black thongs
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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