just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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