my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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