Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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