She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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