I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
