so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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