i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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