Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
