Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
