I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
