then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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