So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
