You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
