He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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