whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
