I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
