I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
