he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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