school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
