me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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