This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
