Hey man sorry I got all grabby
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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