Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
