Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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