i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
