Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
