i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
