It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The Olympian is in my bed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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