Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
