he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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