we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
