why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
