we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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