What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
