the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
