I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
