I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
