I am puke
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
