dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
