where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
