Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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