I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
