what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
