I got chris browned last night
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
