I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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