New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
