I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
