A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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