Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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