There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
