it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
