i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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