can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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