mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The uberlube is also flammable
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
