the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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