Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
